A Rainy Saturday

It is very rare to have a moment to myself.  Even more rare to not feel the compulsion to knock something off my to-do list.  One thing I am learning is that the to-do list is always there.  The over-achiever in me feels worthless unless I am working at or on something.  This has haunted me my entire adult life.  My fear of not being productive can be overwhelming at times.  It was born out of necessity.  No one was going to do this "stuff" for me. I have always been perceived by those who really know me as responsible, practical, and strong...a real go-getter.  Things always get taken care of, bills get paid, insurance gets renewed, appointments are met, and so are people's needs.

The problem, I have found, is the authentic me is suffering.  I love to read, yet I rarely find time.  I love to write, but until today, it has just been an aching nagging pull away from what is "really important."  I love to plant flowers, decorate, and create healthy foods.  I have done none of those things in all of my "busy-ness" lately and it leaves me feeling depressed and deprived.

Today is the first day, that I actually don't have an agenda.  So I have read, and I have written, and made a healthy lunch for my son and his buddy.  As I listen to the traffic outside, and my son laughing as he plays with his friend, I know I am blessed for this moment in time.  It is rare, and I am grateful.

I don't have a big house, or a handsome husband, or an expensive wardrobe, or even much cash in my wallet.  I do, however, have this moment in time.  A moment for me.  A moment to feel grateful for what I do have:  beautiful, healthy children, a full stomach, a warm bed to sleep in, a hot shower, holiday plans, great friends, and a future with all the promise in the world.  I have precious little, yet so so much more!

I am making a promise to myself today, more authentic me and less worry about letting the balls drop.  When everything is said and done, it will be the moments like this that will add up to whether I was truly successful.

I encourage anyone who reads this to find a quiet moment and ask yourself "what does the authentic me need?"  Meet that need.  Understand what a blessing that is.  Say your prayer of gratefulness.  THEN get back to the business at hand.

Meeting your needs has nothing to do with being self-indulgent, and everything to do with being a healthy and vital part of a very big picture.